can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
