Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
