she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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