I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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