I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is wine microwaveable?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
