Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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