remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
