I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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