i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
