My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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