She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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