you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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