i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
