you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
is it fun? or sober?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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