Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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