the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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