I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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