You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
