Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
