I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
