I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
