hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
