Where is the hickey?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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