brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
