So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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