We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
