A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
