she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
