There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
