I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
