Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
