dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
where am i from again
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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