oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
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Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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