No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize