the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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