My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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