A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
