Where is the hickey?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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