Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
