I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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