try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
