I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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