I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
