the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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