Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
