i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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