So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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