I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
