Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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