i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
