I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
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The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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