All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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