remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
