VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
jump out the window naked night went bad
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
