While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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