Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
