the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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