it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
