You just made me feel so damn special
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize