I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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