so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
