im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
