yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
