I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
